hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
