I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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