hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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