and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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