hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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