update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
