Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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