the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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