you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
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she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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