Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
