I want to stick my p in your. b.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
