That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
