I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
