six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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