Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
