Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
