so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
