First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later