i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do you have feelings for this penis?