I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
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So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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