Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
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Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
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I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."