i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
