The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
