Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
