My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
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the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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