mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
