FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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