that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
