you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
