I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
