We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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