Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
