and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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