good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
