Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
