Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
