isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
