They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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