I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize