Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
