Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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