screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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