She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
