also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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