i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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