I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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