he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
