That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
