He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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