..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
