sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
