FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
