I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
