I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
