I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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