i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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