I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
