There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
do herpes really smell.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
