Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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