dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
