I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
accomplished twins. life is a go
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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