So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
