I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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