My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
