She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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