U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
