The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
