i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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