There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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