I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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