Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
