Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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