I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
