Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
