help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
