I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
