It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
