just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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