I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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