I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
