nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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