Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
