$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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