goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
