i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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