Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
