so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
