I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
