I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
