We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
