I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He did a backflip because drugs
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
