hotel room ftw
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
