I think I am morally bankrupt
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
